maanantai 19. toukokuuta 2014

I feel like...I can`t do anything about the evil deeds in the world. That I can`t fight against them.

But there`s always hope, isn`t there?

I don`t feel weak because I am (though I should, `cause I ain`t very powerful). But `cause I don`t want to spend time on helping victims of (per example) torture. I only wanna make art...

That`s a bulls ballsweatty attidute.

If I would lead a more meaningful life, I would also make better stories.

Also...

I`m sick of hearing that everyone should help eachother (though it`s true, and would be a lot simpler if EVERYONE would)...because who is gonna? Not me.

At least yet. I should, very soon, and go on till I can`t anymore. Till I`m dead.

But.

I...

My thoughts aren`t organized. This blogpost is written this way because I don`t have a complete understanding of what to think.

The reason I think this stuff is because I was once again reminded that certain humans are cabable of amazingly ugly deeds. Brutal, bloodsoaked horrid deeds. And we are unable to help, because of convoluted and simple reasons.

Darkseid and all the other evil gods are laughing. Those fucking assholes.

 I don`t like Darkseid that much anymore, `cause I`ve realized ( thanks to Grant Morrison, and more-so, JACK KIRBY ) what the character stands for. Not cool villainy, but pedific, vile and too real seeming evil ( a point which Morrison hammered home much better than KIRBY ). Sure, he`s cool sometimes, and I like how KIRBY imagined him, but that`s it. 

The other reason why I think about unfairness of the world, instead of discarding it? It`s a very selfish reason, but that`s kinda okay, `cause I`m one of those who holds their personal cosmos in a very high value, so it`s unavoidable of me to think of others, only when I think of myself. Or usually, more like.

She`s left.

My friend has left.

I will meet her again and again, we still keep in touch (though it`s been about a week since last time). But low level despair catches me at times. Most of the time these past weeks, life has been duller.
Also, when I`m lonely, or I`m not able to be in contact with someone I like, I start to think stupid, cruel thoughts. "What if she doesn`t like me anymore?"

I`m such a foolish cunt. She`s busy with stuff. Going to Prague in a while. Hasn`t even updated her FB in days. Her profile isn`t so important to her though.

Whatever.

Not whatevs. I`m just tired of thinking all that. I miss her.

Pwease...come back...(= (

UPDATE: So, today I spoke on the phone with her. She had fallen ill! Poor thing...

...

Then again...maybe she lied.../= I

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