perjantai 30. syyskuuta 2011

A story about things in life that happened to someone. Chapter 3: Inside the head of Joaguin Fotheswield, part 1.

It was a sunny day in the spring of 2010. It was raining softly, and the little rainclouds that were placed to the sky by fickle winds, were creating shadows to earth below. Actually, they were created by sun and clouds, as is told in many schoolbooks. It`s probable that you don`t know this, because you spent most of you schooldays creating noice to the classroom, by talking louldly with your friends. Do you realize how dull it is to hear all that needless, stupid blabbering. You could`ve spent it to concentrating to the teachings that your teacher told you you idiot! Oh, and what about that I-don`t-care-attidute, which you used? That was irritating too! And what about the fact that you had to be mean to me, for some f****ing reason? That was so idiotic, that I wanted to kill you. Seriously. You should be happy that I`m not the kind of guy who likes killing people, `cause elseway, you would right now, be six feet under! You worthless littlesouled son of  a- Scrithchchhc (static) !

Sorry about that*. Now, I didn`t mean you, reader. Most likely...

Anyway, it was a day most beautiful. Still, there always are those, who don`t like sunny days, because the frustration in their souls creates a shield so powerful, that sunlight can`t pearce it. One of those persons (in the universe in which this story happends) is Joaguin Fotheswield. He`s a politician. The kind of politician, who is as bad as the media and others tell him to be. Want to know why? Then read further...

Fotheswield walked down the 89. street of Westrinalley, in Hobberton**. His eyes were looking regular. They were red with popped bloodvessels. He had grey hair, but was mostly bald (you couldn`t notice it though, `cause he wears a wig). His posture was good, but he had his head on the level of his shoulders. He wore a caramelcolour coat, but it was so old that it was now skincoloured. He walked, and muttered to himself:
"#¤%#& rain. >%&¤ downgoing alley. I`m going to get a hernia. Or whatever the %%& you get of walking down a stupid street like this."
He saw three African***  street-workers.
"Hey ¤&%&/% brownnoses! Go home!" He smiled, because for some reason he thought it to be a clever statement. The  three Africaans and a few pedestrians looked at Fotheswield. They gave him looks that coud`ve (metaforically) crashed stones, but Joaguin didn`t bother to look at any of them.
After twenty-three steps, he crossed a street, and didn`t bother to look either to right or left. Two cars stopped hurruingly, shocking Fotheswield. He stated his shock by saying:
"What the ¤¤%& did you drive so recklessly! Did you want to kill me, but didn`t have the guts, you %/&&%!? ¤¤&% you!" (Mr. Fotheswield knew, though, that this was not the case, but he just wanted to use those words to hurt and irritate the poor driver.) He showed a middlefinger, and half-ran to the place in where he worked.
His place of work, happened to be the "Center of goverment"-building, in where all the important political decisions of Angloland are made. Unfortunately for the country, he is one of the most important political leaders of Angloland. That`s not a good thing.
Mr. Fotheswield walked to stairs of the building, where a few journalists were waiting. They asked:
"Mr. Fotheswield, do you plan to run for Freymaister ( primeminister )?" "Do you plan to help the homeless of our country?" "Is it true that you`re having an affair with Marita Shokle, a famous supermodel?"
"Get out of my way you slimy ¤%¤!" Mr. Fotheswield shouted.
And out of his way they went. One of them was already writing about how rude Mr. Fotheswield is.
Fotheswield finally got inside the Center. He walked to his office by steps, angered as usual, because the elevator didn`t work. He got to his offices lobby in the 7. floor, and heard his male secretary saying: "Good morning Mr. Fotheswield. Nationality minister Hobsurghs send a message, in which he wants you to visit her..." "Shut up Enslings! Haven`t I told you that I don`t want to be disturbed for 15 minutes, when I get to my desk!? Besides, it`s a bad morning. As usual." He opened his offices door, and goed inside. He sat down to his chair, and opened a closet. He took a bottle of ale from there, and drank 3 glassfulls. After the time had passed, Enslings opened the door:
"Mr. Fotheswield, about Mrs. Hobsurhs..."
"What about that old hack?"
"She`d want to meet you, and talk about your want of raising taxes."
"Phuuuh...I don`t understand why there are so many songs about careless and ##%%¤ wonderful life, when it`s clearly impossible!"
Mr. Fotheswield walked fast, as usual, to the office of Mrs. Hopsurghs. Furiously, of course.
He got to her offices door, and knocked it, bored expression on his face. And still furious...
The door was opened by Mrs. Hopsurghs, and Mr. F (lets call him Mr. F, okay) remembered once again, that he hated her partly because she didn`t let her secretary open her offices door. Never. After all, why should she have to open a door, if she was a minister. She was too important to open any doors. Well, would be, if she wouldn`t be a %¤&/%¤ Nationality minister.
"Hello, come in Fotheswield." Mrs. Hopsurghs said, smiling cautiosly, because she always smiles to nice persons. Because Mr. F isn`t a nice person, she wouldn`t want to smile to him at all. But, since she didn`t want to be rude to an important man, she smiled a bit.
"Stop smiling. It`s moronic." Mr. F said. Mrs. Hopsurghs stopped smiling, and would`ve wanted to drop acid to Mr. F:s face.
They walked to her desk and chairs, and sat down.
"So, about the taxes..." She started.
"You think that they`re too high."
"They aren`t. They`re just enough. I wouldn`t want to make people pay alot, but as you know, this country needs money."
"Yes it does. But, what I wonder, is why only minorities from other countries are taxed..."
"They can afford it, can`t they?"
"Many of them can`t, and I think that it´s..."
Mr. F stopped listening. Instead, he started thinking. We are now going to look in to this thinking process. We are going to look inside the head of Joaguin Fotheswield.

Inside the head of joaguin Fotheswield, isn`t grey goo, like you would expect. Actually, almost none of the humans, humanoids or other animals of this universe, have grey goo inside their heads. If some creature does, it`s thought to be rather odd. Which it isn`t.
But, what actually IS, inside of the head of Mr. F. Streets, air full of thoughts and sections. There`s the mainstreet, in the center of the brain. From that street, you can go to other streets. from those streets, you can go to different sections of the brain. One of these sections is:

The hate section

In here, you can find those things that Mr. F thinks the most. First there`s the brownskinned persons department. He hates them `cause:
-They`re skin is poop-coloured.
-They don`t work enough.
-They eat locusts.
-They dance differently.
-They`re as stupid as retards.
-They`re foreigners.
-They hate us.
-They`ll kill us.

He hates dutch `cause:
-They dance differently.
-They`re as stupid as retards.
-They`re foreigners.
-They hate us.
-They`ll kill us.

He hates Americans and Germans `cause:
-They`re warmongers.

He hates French and swedish `cause:
-They`re all gays.

He hates Hindis `cause:
-They have stupid beliefs.
-They eat locusts.
-They dance differently.
-They`re as stupid as retards.
-They`re foreigners.
-They hate us.
-They`ll kill us.

He hates monks `cause:
-They think they`re so &%%# holy.

He hates muslims `cause:
-They founded "The Eternal Operas"-band*+*.

He hates english `cause they`re ¤%%%& stupid idiots, and proof of it is the fact that they elected him.

He irrationally hates everyone, to be sure.
In this department he thought, when Mrs. Hopsurghs was speaking: "I hate them, that`s why I tax them so heavily."

Let`s move on to his childhood. Let`s take a memory out of his head, and look at it.

It was the year 1967, and Mr. F was 9 years old. He was inside a house that was truly a mansion (and still is), and he looked at his father, who sat in a chair watching the room in where he was. Joaguins father was a man who, judging from his belly, had eaten guite alot. He also had a grey suit, a black hair, and skin so scurfy that it was disgusting. Anyone who would note about that, would always get a severe beating after a few hours, by some random punks. Who, naturally, have never seen Mr. fotheswield in person. He asked from his son, this particular guestion:
"It`s a beautiful weather outside Joaguin. Why aren`t you outside?"
"Those brownies are there again."'
"They`re called n*****s Joaguin. Well, let me handle this." His father said.
He goed to the frontdoor, took his gun, and stepped outside. Three brown skinned boys were running around, 26 metres from Fotheswield manor.
Mr. Fotheswield senior shot to the air above one of the kids, and missed them by a few metres. The boys ran away, and Mr. F. senior shouted after them:
"You %¤¤¤% ¤%&%¤!!! Go back to your filthy homes, your filthy parents, and cry yourself to sleep!!!!!!!! I know that one day you`ll attempt to kill me and everyone I love, but it wont happend!!!! You #¤#¤!"
Then he and little Joaguin goed back inside. His father told him:
"The next time that you see those boys, or any ¤¤%%¤, be sure to speak to them like I just did. Okay?"
"Of course dad."
"Good boy." Mr. Fotheswield senior smiled a tired, wicked smile, and shouted:
"Jorylle! Make some of those kidneypies! And heat tea!"
"Okay luv!"Shouted Mrs. Fotheswield.
Little Joaguin, who had brown hair, and wore clothes that rich 10 year old kids use to wear in the year 1961, in England (Joaguins clothes were coloured red), walked to the kitchen. His mother was there. His mom was a lady who gained over 80 kilos, and had brown hair, like little Joaguin. Little Joaguin asked her (although this conversation with his mom might be a different memory, that has mixed up in to this one):
"Mom, why did you marry dad?"
"Because I love him."
"Why do you?"
"Well, because he`s a wonderful person of course. And he knows how to deal with those ¤¤##¤ #"#"#."
That`s right. The whole family hates black people.
"Now off you go. I have to make these kidney pies."
Little Joaguin said "yuck" silently, because kidney pies were one of those things that he had liked at first, but didn`t anymore. He goed upstairs, and started playing with his stuffed animal friends. He didn`t have any other friends.    

* Meaning, sorry for being the kind of person that uses a blog for being a petty idiot.

** Because you probably don`t know, let me tell you, that in this universe, Hobberton is a city in place of London. It`s Anglolands (this universes Englands) 4. most greatest city, and its 6. capital.

*** In this universe, Africa is a united nation, while Australia is divided to 200 countries.

*+* In this universe, none of that 9/11 stuff happened. And New york is in Kansas, which is in China.

To be continued...

This story is licensed under creative commons ATTRIBUTION. 
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